Meredith Jones's Diary
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| Friday, December 2nd, 2005 | | 2:14 pm |
Day 4 1/2
Weight: 147 (FRIGGIN AWESOME!) Cigarettes: 15 yesterday, none so far today Exercise: None yesterday (unless strenuous bargain shopping with my mom yesterday counts), today....oh, take a wild guess... Food: Yesterday: 1 piece of Weight Watchers Chocolate Cake (it was about 3 inches long and and inch wide...one point, mutha fuckazz!), veggie burger on rye with reduced fat cheddar, 1/2 handful of cashews, 1 cup of fat free rasberry yogurt, tall gingerbread soy latte with no whipped cream (amazing!!), less than a liter of water, three cans of diet coke. Today: 1/2 handful of cereal, 1 tblspoon peanut butter (odd,i know), about 20oz of water, about 5 oz diet coke. THREE POUNDS SINCE MONDAY! That's exciting! I also fit beautifully in a pair of jeans yesterday that were a size 8!! Do you know how long it's been since that has happened??? I know I shouldn't blow all my money on clothes that'll be too big for me in a matter of weeks, but shopping is addictive, especially when I can fit into size 8s! Sorry, but Im just thrilled about that. So I'm thinking about squeezing in a bit more shopping. Im going to Wise Fools yet again. Apparently the show tonight is gonna be friggin sweet, so I need to be friggin hot. I got hit on by this really hot guy last night and I thought that it was gonna lead somewhere (like a bedroom, possibly), but I went to say goodbye to him and he was gone. His creepy friend was still there and kept saying "lets just go to your place and drinkl wine..." there was just something about that I didn't trust... Oh, I have not had the best of luck. But I cannot take it out on me...I've only really been doing this sort of thing for three days and I guess that's just how the bar scene works. Keep on keepin on, LJers! Current Music: Postal Service: Natural Anthem | | Wednesday, November 30th, 2005 | | 11:17 pm |
Weight: 149 (woot!) Cigarettes: 8 Food: 1 cup of minestrone, one tall starbucks pumpkin spice latte with soy milk and no whipped cream, 1 cheddar and broccoli baked potato, 1/2 grilled veggie plate, about 2 liters of water, 1 20 oz diet coke Exercise: 10 mins pilates, dancing around my condo like a fool, yet again I've lost 1 pound since Monday! Woot!! At this rate, it'll only take 2 months to lose 30 lbs! It probably won't stay this consitant, but I can hope and I can keep plugging away! I know it's only a pound, but it's exciting to see progress like this! So Im taking a break from Wise Fool's tonight...I've only been there twice, but Sasha has definitely intergrated me into "the crowd." I feel like a regular! But these two really drunk guys were hitting on me and Sasha ALL NIGHT and they were just...odd...at first, this guy Matt seemed pretty cute, but then he just turned into a typical drunk guy and it was just...for lack of a better term, icky. So the moral of the story is I need a night off. Besides, my mom and I are driving to the Illinois/Wisconsin border tomorrow to do Christmas shopping at an outlet mall (Viv recommended it, so it's gotta be good!) BTWs, for all available on Friday, there's gonna be a bitchin concert at Wise Fools on Friday! Come one, come all! I am the funniest barfly on the face of this planet...still sober and still haven't hooked up with that guy with a girlfriend...Sasha says I should be her Jiminy Cricket...Oh, if I had a nickle... So far, break has been good...and interesting...but interesting in a good way. That's all from Meredith Jones for now! Day Three's Keyword: WOOT!! (what the hell, I'll throw in another one) WOOT!! | | Tuesday, November 29th, 2005 | | 10:34 pm |
Weight: 150 Cigarettes: 5 (again, wise fooling...probably will change) Food: Costello's vegetarian sandwich and their hummus with a chipotle tortilla (again, their hummus!), a liter and a half of water, 1 Arizona diet ice tea. Exercise: Dancing around my place like a fool So I have not lost a pound or gained...but it's only day two. When I went out last night (oh the debauchery of Wise Fools, then Deja Vu, then a fucking key club!) I was hit on a fair amount. I have to say, it was quite the ego boost. But I can't let an ego boost get to me too much. Nor can I let any sort of self-loathing do the same. This guy who works at Wise Fools was coming on to me hardcore and he was really sexy. I almost went home with him, but alas...he has a girlfriend...DAMN CONSCIENCE!!!! NOSY LITTLE BUGGER ALWAYS LIKES TO GET ALL UP IN MY GRILL!!!! I wanted him SO bad, though. I've been quite the cock hungry bisexual. I still want him and I am probably gonna shamelessly flirt with him tonight. But alas...he has a girlfriend. But there is still hope: apparently his girl friend is a flaming bisexual like yours truly and is pretty open to a 3some...so who knows. Oh and...I have heard that he is quite the dynamo in the ole sackaroo...DAMN CONSCIENCE!!!! But I know that it was the decent thing to do...I know this because it was really fucking hard for both of us to just say "fuck it!" I wish that decent things were easier to do...there'd be a lot more decent people in this world. Woah...I'm like...DEEP MAN! So I think Im gonna go work on cigarette #6. It's been an interesting 24 hours. Day Two Word: ....O-kay...(It's a Didierism) | | Monday, November 28th, 2005 | | 9:56 pm |
A Brutally Honest Post
Weight: 150 Exercise: Yoga (10 Mins), Pilates (10 mins), walking over 7 blocks in the loop (about 20 mins) Cigarettes: 8 (but going to Wise Fools tonight, so that might change...) Food: Veggie sandwich at Costello's (their hummus is to die for!), two slices of cheeseless pizza, 1 piece of garlic bread (that was naughty of me...so naughty), about 2 liters of water, 1 sugar free red bull, about 7 tic-tacs Goal: 120, ASAP!! I want to loose 30 pounds...and I want to do it quickly. I think I might do a detox diet...I wonder if you can still smoke on a detox diet? I'm sure people think I'm selling out...yeah and no. Yes, I'll admit it to anyone I want to cahnge my body. I am sick of being a size 12. I am sick of having these fat birthing hips. I am sick of everyone telling me I have a huge ass ("honey...it's a compliment!" kiss my fat ass) I'm sick of "martyring" myself for something. I mean, who am I? The curvy girl's spokesmodel? NO! I don't need to live and think and do everything "for the curvy girls." I wanna do nthings for me....because if not now, when the fuck am I gonna do it? In my 30s? In my 40s? In my goddamn 50s? I am in my 20s! I deserve to have a fucking hot body. I deserve to be hot. I deserve to be somewhat selfish (I'm trying to keep some level of modesty...) I do feel a little embarrassed, though, because I feel like I've been such a fool: all the time that I tried to tell myself I'm hot and that I look good...I've just been a chubby girl fooling herself. I have lost at least 10 pounds in the past few weeks (I think it could be closer to 15...but I haven't started weighing myself until recently, so who knows) and that's good. But I can't do what I always do: I can't give up. I can't just say "I look good now, I can have that slice of chocolate cake" or "One day off won't hurt." I want to come back from winter break and have people do a double take. I wanna be FUCKING HOT when winter quarter starts up again. And if you are gonna comment on this (which I haven been debating whether to make this public or private...I'll make it public and see how it goes) don't write "you are hot, you're a beautiful curvy girl, blah blah blah." Don't wanna hear it because it's a load of bullshit. And while I'm on the subject...can we just all cut the bullshit about finding curvy women more attractive than skinny women? I honestly think that people only say that because it's the PC thing to say and if they dare say I like skinny women, they'd get crusified. LEt's be real: you all would take Gisele Budchen over Emme any day (I would). You'd all take Naomi over Queen Latifa, too. And no one ever tell me that "I'm a woman who looks like a woman" ever again. Supermodels and actresses look like women too (they just so happen to look like thinner women). Oh, one more thing: I never wanna hear that I wouldv'e been hot in the Renissance ever again. That's not a fucking compliment! At least I don't take it that way. It's not the Renissance...I want to be hot now! It just seems like the next part of that thought is...but you're a fat nasty pig, now. So...why now? Well, for one thing I would like to try to call an end to this love/hate relationship I have with my body and I feel like I would feel a lot better about myself, but besides that....I have a HUGE crush. Yep, again...total sellout. He's a frat boy (ie totally out of a 5'6" size 12 girl's league). I don't think I really have a chance with him (or most people, for that matter) in this body. It's been a bit of a bombshell, but not many people find me that attractive. I really wish this wasn't that big of a deal for me, but...again, I'm 21...at my age, attractiveness is important. We all want to feel attractive. I want a chance, just a chance, with this guy. I want heads to turn. I want to be a beauty. Day One's keyword: Honesty (If you don't like my brand of it, take me off your friend's list) Current Music: Stereophonics: Mr. Writer | | Monday, August 1st, 2005 | | 4:59 pm |
The Bitch Isn't Back?!?!
Some paper work got screwed up and I cant move in until (most likely) Wednesday. I know, 2 days isn't that big of a deal. But I have been looking forward to this day for about a month and a half. I was counting down the days until August 1st and it's here and the bitch is still up in the burbs. I miss living in my city by the lake. I miss the choas. I miss the El (even though I din't take it that often). I miss living close to my friends. I miss not having to drive an hour in traffic just to get to Clarke's. I miss saying "I LIVE IN CHICAGO" and not having to explain that "Well, I'm up in the suburbs now, but I'm moving..." I FUCKING MISS MY CITY AND I SHOULD BE IN IT NOW!!! In short, yeah I can wait. But I have been patient for 3 fucking months and it's starting to get on my fucking nerves. I need friends to get me outta here. Gimme a reason, please. I didn't get a huge response for people to help me move...If you could help me now, even just to call me to let me know that you read this, it would mean a lot...I know I'm being weird, but living in the city means the world to me and having people around me to say "we miss you. we understand. we love you and can't wait for you to come back" would make me feel so much better. And I will slip in some candor in here. This may be irrational, but... If I don't at least get 1 phone call from someone, I'll be pissed. So if you care at all, please call me. 847.347.3681 (no excuses now) The bitch ain't back. Hopefully Wednesday Hopefully... Current Mood: take a guess...Current Music: Atmosphere- Dont Ever Fucking Question That | | Monday, July 11th, 2005 | | 12:39 pm |
So I know that this is my 3rd post in the past few hours, but I really need to get this out there. I had a really vivid last night. I could taste the food I was eating, I could feel the rain pouring down on me, EVERYTHING was just...real. And during this dream, I realized something that I didn;t realize before that I really should have and I apologize to anyone who was hurt by me being so fucking oblivious. But I realized this one very important fact... Elijah Wood is hot. Current Music: Bjork and Tricky: Yoga | | 12:26 pm |
1. Reply with your name and I will write something I like about you. 2. I will then tell what song/movie reminds me of you. 3. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, I'll tell you what it would be. 4. I will try to name a single word that best describes you. 5. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you. 6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of. 7. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you. 8. Put this in your journal | | Sunday, July 10th, 2005 | | 11:59 pm |
Equation
2 bags of Frito Lay's Munchies + Entemann's Ultimate Chocolate Lovers Donuts + Starbucks Mocha Mint + A South Park Marathon + Increments of Masturbation = I wish my senior prom was half this much fun Current Mood: E-Fucking-LatedCurrent Music: Hooverphonic: Eden | | Monday, July 4th, 2005 | | 1:19 pm |
Please be Nice...
So I figure, I'll put this out there now instead of waiting last minute. I am moving into my condo Aug 1st and I need people to help me move. I realize that I live all the way out in the burbs, and that sucks ass, but hear me out. We can have a slumber party out here...so those of you that need to catch up on your Oz, this would be an excellent opportunity for you ;) Yeah, it sounds a bit nerdy, but I do really need the help and I promise to make sure the suckiness of the burbs doesn't grab hold of you too tightly...plus I'll get you food and all that jazz, too. So if any of you could help me out, I will love you forever!!! Besides, who wouldn't wanna help me when I'm moving into a place like this? (Yeah, I'm totally being a bratty showoff, but...well, if you check it out, you'll know why...) 2510 W Leland ie My Condo, Mutha Fuckas! | | Sunday, July 3rd, 2005 | | 10:56 pm |
| | Wednesday, June 8th, 2005 | | 12:34 am |
My turn! Cuz I'm One Vain Fatha Fucka!
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF: I committed suicide: I said I liked you: I kissed you: I lived next door to you: I started smoking: I stole something: I was hospitalized: I ran away from home: I got into a fight and you weren't there: WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY: Personality: Eyes: Face: Hair: Clothes: Mannerisms: [1] Who are you? [2] Are we friends? [3] When and how did we meet? [4] How have I affected you? [5] What do you think of me? [6] What's the fondest memory you have of me? [7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies? [8] Do you love me? [9] Have I ever hurt you? [10] Would you hug me? [11] Would you kiss me? [12] Would you have long, sweet, sweet passionate love with me? [13] Are we close? [14] Emotionally, what stands out? [15] Do you wish I was cooler? [16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I? [17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. [18] Am I loveable? [19] How long have you known me? [20] Describe me in one word. [21] What was your first impression? [22] Do you still think that way about me now? [23] What do you think my weakness is? [24] Do you think I'll get married? [25] What about me makes you happy? [26] What about me makes you sad? [27] What reminds you of me? [28] What's something you would change about me? [29] How well do you know me? [30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? [31] Do you think I would kill someone? [32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you? | | Monday, May 16th, 2005 | | 12:20 am |
So you guys might not see me for a while. I'm really sick, I don't know when I'll be back or if and how long I'll be gone for. Either way, have fun without me. | | Saturday, May 14th, 2005 | | 9:09 pm |
Errr....I am so sick...I barely have enough energy to type this. I'm mad cuz I'm missing some parties I've been looking forward to all week...the burbs suck ass... Current Mood:  and lonely | | Friday, April 29th, 2005 | | 2:18 pm |
Brand Spanking New, Y'all!!!!!
So here's a one act play I just finished. I'm sure that it's fairly obvious as to where I got the idea and who inspired which characters. Enjoy and as always, feedback is always welcome! ( God's Confidant ) | | Sunday, April 10th, 2005 | | 3:09 am |
Ive come to a decision...
Im not running for Spectrum Eboard next year!!! Im going to start a DePaul lit/writer's group and/or go to Athens for winter and spring instead!! Love everyone in Spectrum, but I want to focus my energies on different things next year. Besides, it's just getting too stressful on all fronts. So I am going to be part of the literati! OPA!!! | | Thursday, April 7th, 2005 | | 12:33 am |
So most people saw Casey's post about the break up... I can't speak for him, but so far, the transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to friends has been a lot easier than I thought. If anything, I truly see how much I really do want Casey in my life, yet I also see that I have to do what I gotta do for me. I thought that I'd cry or get really mad...don't get me wrong, I am still a little scared to be out on my own (it's been a while), but overall, I am not uncomfortable being around Casey, we act like true friends around each other and I really feel like I am doing what I need to do for me. Casey, our relationship as partners was awesome and so will our relationship as friends. Current Mood:  content | | Monday, April 4th, 2005 | | 1:44 am |
Im not trying to go on a complaining streak here, but...
I went on Amazon to find a book for my Gay and Lesbian Lit class and I decided to search around the website under the Gay and Lesbian fiction section. It was broken up into a few categories: poetry, short stories...and then it was broken up into Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual (there was no Transgendered). So I first looked at the Gay section and there were 104 pages of things that canstitute "Gay Lit." Then, I looked under Lesbian and there were 68 pages of things that constitute "Lesbian Lit." Okay, so that already sucks because, granted, 68 is more than half of 104, but not by much. So then, I decided to check out the "Bisexual Lit" section. Now, I am not that naive; I knew that there weren't going to be as many books under Bi Lit as there were the other two. But, still, it made me really sad to find that there were only 2 pages of "Bi Lit." TWO FUCKING PAGES. The Lesbian Lit had 34 times as many titles; the Gay Lit had 52 times as many titles. Contrary to popular belief, it is not necessarily easier to be bi. Yeah, I know I fucking have hetero priveledge and gays and lesbians don't, but gays and lesbians at least get full recognition and respect within the queer community and by society at large. People think its easier to come out as bi; thats only true when it is assumed/implied that the bi indentity is temporary. As long as it is implied that said out bi will eventually stop being a cowardly gay/lesbian and fully come out, or that the slutty straight person will settle down, then the bi identity is accepted and, yes, it is easier to come out. But what about people like me? What about people who are secure in the identity as bi? What about people who know that they aren't scared gays/lesbian or slutty straights? We still get treated like one day, the "real us" will come out. The straight world doesn't want to get to know us (unless we're blond college girls who will flash the cameras of GIRLS GONE WILD) and we get made fun of by people in the "community" that is supposed to embrace us and not judge us (not everyone in the queer community has done this, obviously to me personally, but there are people in my "community" who have said very hurtful things about my identity...they said they'd laugh in my face, and yet they had to say this behind my back). The term lesbian does not feel right to me at all, and the term straight REALLY doesn't feel right to me. Bisexual feels right to me and to be perfectly fucking honest, I FEEL LIKE THE ONLY ONE ON THE FACE OF THIS STUPID FUCKING PLANET WHO FEELS THIS WAY. People who I love and respect, people who I used to share a common bond with over the bi indentity are no longer identify as bi. I have no right to judge anyone, but it sucks basically one of the only ones left. I feel like maybe I should just identify as straight. I mean, I am in a "straight" relationship (by all outward apperances) and sometimes it just gets too hard...too hard to explain myself, too hard to lose people to indetify and share with, too hard to hear about the comments made behind my back, too hard to hear people I consider to be open-minded say "bi is used as a cop-out; it's easier to come out as bi," it's too hard to only see two fucking pages. Yeah, you know I'm not going to identify as straight... You know I won't change... But sometimes I want to. Nobody can be exactly like me. Sometimes even I have trouble doing it. ~Tallulah Bankhead, actress and bisexual~ | | Sunday, April 3rd, 2005 | | 12:53 am |
| | Monday, March 21st, 2005 | | 10:58 pm |
Queer Theory Final Essay
So, this was my final paper for my Queer Theory class, can I get a what what?! The assignment was to write my gender and I think I got it pretty down pat. Tell me what you think! ( My Gender ) | | Tuesday, March 15th, 2005 | | 5:07 am |
How Do I Love Thee, Maynard James Keenan....
I've been working on this damn paper i need to turn in tomorrow for way to long and I'm about to go crazy!! Wait, about to?? Anywhoodle, this song has been on a constant repeat for a good seven hours and I NEVER get bored of hearing it. Maynard's a God, don't deny it. This song is eerily romantic, tragically desprate and darkly humorous all at once. Check it out... Stinkfist (by TooL)...yep, it is what you think it's about! Something has to change, Undeniable dilemma. Boredom's not a burden anyone should bare. Constant overstimulation numbs me, But I wouldn't want you any other way. Because it's not enough, I need more, Nothing seems to satisfy I said I don't want it, I just need it, To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive. Finger deep within the borderline. Show me that you love me and that we belong together. Relax, turn around and take my hand. You can know you've changed, Tired moment in the pleasure. Say the word and we'll be well upon our way. Blend and balance pain and comfort Deep within you So you will not want me any other way Because it's not enough, I need more, Nothing seems to satisfy I said I don't want it, I just need it, To breathe, to feel, to know I'm alive. Knuckle deep within the borderline. This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to. Relax, slip away. There's something kind of sad about the way that things have come to be Desensitized to everything. What became of subtlety? How can this mean anything to me When I don't feel anything at all? I'll Keep Digging 'Til I Feel Something Elbow deep within the borderline Show me that you love me and than we belong together Shoulder deep within the borderline, Relax, turn around and take my hand. |
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